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Looking up from the bottom of the trough
2011-02-20, 6:53 p.m.

Not really related to anything I wanted to say, but for the sake of documentation, I learned something kind of funny last night during a drinking outing in the town where I grew up. Girls from my high school are known throughout surrounding areas as being good for two things: Fighting and Fucking. I'd never heard that before, but it's funny because it's kind of true. *sigh*

And so turns another page... Yet another new "season" for Seasons79, perhaps... After having pointless conversation after pointless conversation, weekend after long, useless weekend with my husband about whether or not he was going to take his newly-crafted life elsewhere and let me have some peace or find a way to integrate his new life with his old life (i.e., family) and trim off the the bits around the edges that can't possibly fit into the merged picture, we finally have some direction this week. Weeks ago, I had presented him with a plan for separation--because life is no longer working for us in this wonky, dysfunctional excuse for a marriage. He'd managed to dodge and avoid making any sort of decision or provisions for all of those fruitless weeks, while things grew more and more tense between us. After what must have been the most explosive "meltdown" that I have ever had in my life on this past Tuesday, he was given a hard deadline of the end of the week to decide what he wanted. As I told him--we all have to do it sooner or later and he's no different. He said I would have my decision, and he has delivered. This weekend will begin the "separation," or at least Phase I of it.

He'll be "living" at his parents' house, but will have to spend about half the nights out of the week here until I can secure a position on day shift. This sounds like a very open-ended timeline, but hopefully it won't be. I'm meeting with my manager and a manager of another related department early next week to see what they can do for me. So much change in such a short period of time... Anyway, though the general reaction I've gotten to this is "what good is THAT going to do--how is that going to really help anyone?" It's the best I can do with what I have to work with. If I were even on a normal 2nd shift schedule, and could be fairly sure I could be home by midnight, I could rely more heavily on my family to keep the kids in the evenings, for as long as it had to last. It's just not fair to anyone, least of all the kids, to make them stay away from their homes and beds every weeknight--or else have me come to pick them up between 1 and 2 AM each of those days. What a miserable life for them.

In spite of what it might look like from the outside, it is the beginning of something. All that matters is that I know it. I'm not going to say it's not disappointing--no one gets married and has babies with the intention that it won't last (well, most people don't, at least. Can't really say "no one.") It's certainly not what I had planned, and not what I wanted, and not really what I thought would be the end result of everything--but it is what it is and it's where we've ended up.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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