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Horoscopes called for a good day, too...
2011-02-21, 4:32 p.m.

I am in what is nearly an unmanageable amount of pain. I feel like I should be conditioned for this--and maybe I am, maybe that's what makes it only nearly unmanageable. It has certainly been a while since I have felt anything like this before.

Nikki said something to me the other day about how odd it was that I claim to be an introvert but I seem to be terrified of being by myself or something like that (in reference to the question "To go out and mingle, or not to go out?" and pondering some of the alternatives I could explore instead). Yeah... Every personality profiling test I've ever taken has shown me as a "strongly expressed introvert" coming in at over 90% introverted. That was up until the last time I took one and I fell closer to 70% and was classified as "moderately expressed introvert."

Something definitely has changed there. I do appreciate my quiet, alone time as much as the next person, but this being isolated as a rule of life is making me insane. The fact that I feel like I got this way by people (men, mostly) treating me like I ought to be able to read their minds but then holding it against me when I just can't and draw the wrong assumption from their series of vague cues is twice as maddening. It seems I can not only NOT attract a man who is interested in being an equal partner with me but I also tend to attract ones that shun the concept of open communication.

So we end up here... Which, I would say should be fine--me here, working with myself on myself, for the good of not only myself but everyone who loves me and ever will love me... Except that I don't feel like working... On anything. And this self-work includes a great deal of isolation--which is also not agreeing with me and is not doing anything to motivate me.

The only way out of this is straight through... But where's the fucking finish line?

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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