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A Rant... Because I can.
2011-02-21, 11:47 p.m.

After an aptly time-stampeded blip discovery, my mood has shifted somewhat. Not that this means much, because everyday is somewhat of a rollercoaster, but still...

The above song is a wallowing song--and earlier today, it might have fit the bill for helping me tell myself that I was well within my rights to wallow-it-up. Luckily, my "rage" is, as usual, more like being jaded and cynical rather than some holier-than-thou rage that I might allow myself to have. Yes, I am depressed. Yes, I am disappointed in so many things that I had once had so much hope for.. but yes, tomorrow will come whether I like it or not and I need to tell myself to just fucking deal with it. Jesus.

I am a good person. I am marginally entertaining to have around and though my mind has dulled somewhat as I have allowed real-life to encroach, I am sometimes reminded that I was once very, very intelligent. I'm going to be okay--even if it kills me to get to that place where I can actually say, "I am going to be okay" and believe it wholeheartedly.

"There are times when I'm just a shell
When I do not feel anything for anyone
All I feel is hollow and bruised
Used up and misused
Forced to be someone I don't want to be
Have I failed somehow or some way
Will the weight of today finally pull me down to drown
In the depths of despair
Where I am alone
Except for my rage"

Fuck, no. Not me. Bullshit. The day that comes when I don't feel anything for anyone and tell myself that's okay? That will hopefully be the last day I breathe. What's the fucking point?

I have loved and I am glad that I have... And those that I have loved, and may still--deserve better than that from me. That is part of what I give of myself when you get a piece of me. I own that--it's like a promise I make--and I won't waver from living up to it.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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