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Awake at 0730 today
2011-02-22, 1:09 p.m.

The good news is that I'm in a better mood than yesterday. The bad news is that I've only been marginally more productive while being in a better mood than I would have been if I were curled up in a big depression-ball in bed all day. Baby steps though, right? As it is, I managed to get up at an hour that was decidedly ante-meridian (AM), got my taxes done, fed the kids two meals at normal-people hours and wrote a mid-length email. There's still some time left before the getting-out-of-the-house scramble begins with the kids, so maybe I'll go do some laundry or something after I finish this entry.

The moral of the story with me is that I can handle just about anything in the world as long as I feel it makes some sense. More than that, I can come up with backwards and sideways ways to justify a lot of stuff and make it make sense to myself. I was a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason" for a very long time. Now, I'm beginning to question that philosophy and it is rocking my sense of self a little bit. That, and it provides me with fewer avenues to justify random shit in my head, so that's equally disconcerting in the face of adversity. But anyway, if given all the tools at my disposal I still can't make heads or tails of a situation, then it really throws me into a state of unrecoverable chaos. Up is down; black is white and I don't have any idea who the fuck I am anymore. That, with the isolation I've mentioned and the blindfolded bus-driving that has become the standard operating procedure with both of the men in my life, really pulls the rug out from under me.

But... Today I'm feeling a little better. I'm going to ride it for as long as it lasts.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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