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Insanity--doing the same thing, expecting new results...
2011-03-01, 2:53 a.m.

Sometimes I worry that if Jeff stated that he was going to make a change in the way he behaves or other such things that I've asked him to do, that I would still shun the revival of our relationship/marriage, but it would be for the wrong reasons. Then I remember that some things just really aren't likely to change.

Today, I did a bit of extra cleaning/organizing while I found myself with a few extra minutes while waiting for my day to start. Tonight after him and the kids got home I got a text (which I don't get many spontaneous texts from him--especially not ones that don't serve a functional purpose) which read, "House looks amazing :)" I'm thinking, "what does this mean?" ...wondering if he's trying to suck up a little bit to avoid/put off beginning the separation this week as he has guaranteed me that he would. It's nice that he noticed and appreciated my efforts, but in the end what's really true is that that just IS how things would be if I had my way and no unnecessary extra cleaning to do. I WOULD keep things up a little better than they usually are, if I didn't have to pick up after not only myself and the kids when we're home, but also him and the kids once I get home after having been at work/out of the house for an extended period. Every time I come home to a preformed, neglected mess it's a setback to otherwise forward motion.

Do excuse the rambling... It's 3 AM and you can't really expect much else from me now.

...so anyway, I get home and dishes are on the sink/counter, coats are not hung up, tonight's snack leftovers (popcorn) are still sitting out and there are breadcrumbs on the counter (someone had a sandwich maybe? Who knows...). *sigh* So yeah... House looks amazing--now here's some more stuff for you to clean, right?

As a side note... My ear is burning. Not like someone-is-talking-about-me burning, but like someone's-been-chewing-on-it-aftermath kind of burning.

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