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Moral compass
2011-03-04, 12:01 p.m.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
-Marilyn Monroe.

I wish I could say I found the above quote myself, but sadly I borrowed it from a FB buddy's wall. It was significant when I read it in the context of facing a pending separation that may slide down the slippery slope to divorce--which I think is why it's significant to her as well (the FB poster). It's laced with a lot of meaning for me right now... Specifically the bit about trusting no one but yourself. At the end of the day, that's all you really have anyway, right? I really should know this by now... And I do. I just *sigh* forget it occasionally.

Got into a little bit of a conversation last night regarding where the sticky spots are on my moral compass. I know this doesn't make sense to everyone, but it really doesn't have to--I wouldn't expect it to... I am not the morality police. I cannot control other peoples' bad behavior and I truly, truly don't believe that they either need or want me to set them on the straight and narrow. Mr. Married-Spill-His-Guts-About-Sex isn't going to respond in favor of his wife if I were to refuse to speak to him. This I know with about 150% certainty. He is NOT waiting for someone to holier-than-thou him so that he can see the error in his shitbag ways. What he WILL learn from me, if I were to smack his mouth and send him on his way, is that he needs to be a little bit more secretive about the true state of his marital status. I have NO doubt of this. What do I think he NEEDS to have any sort of chance in hell at reversing his behavior? Honestly? I think he needs to get caught. I think he needs to get smug and sloppy and have to face the pain in his wife's face when she finds out what kind of person he really is. I believe he's already talked himself into resuming his previous lecherous lifestyle that he had before he was married, but he's just not ready to execute. I KNOW he'll end up having many, many affairs and I believe that he cares enough about his wife to keep it under cover for a while. He will convince himself that he's just doing what he needs to do to get his needs met and that it's totally okay. Having a few playmates turn unwilling over the course of this isn't going to even slow him down. Again, of this, I have no doubt--he'll just take from that some lesson on how to do it better in the future. The only thing that will make any difference to him is the facing of real consequences--and even that I don't believe will be a permanent fix. But me? Me telling him he's being a shitbag when he has been for the better part of his adult life and maybe a bit before? That's not a consequence. It's really not. So where does my moral compass fall? I'm not going to corrupt anyone. I won't be the person with whom anyone falls off of the monogamy wagon. But if they had long since fallen off or were never really on? I don't know... At that point I can only control my own actions--what he (or she) is doing and to whom is outside of that scope. I can't have a conscience for everyone--and I don't even want to try.

Case and point, for what it's worth... The kind-of-coworker that chatted me up the other night... I didn't have an issue talking to him nor being forthcoming about my own fractured marital status. He may or may not have taken that as an encouragement, but that really wasn't the intent. When it came down to "I still think I'm into you," I told him that I'm not interested in stirring up a scandal at work nor am I interested in crossing his fiance. I told him I'd like to be "chat buddies" with him, but even though I described myself as "kind of married" that he was very obviously more than just "kind of engaged." Is there anything he could have said that would've swayed my outcome in another direction? Maybe... I don't know, honestly. If his fiancee didn't work with us? If she wasn't a big, angry woman to begin with? If he was already a known shitbag prior to coming on to me? I don't know--I really don't. As it was though, the situation being what it is... The quick risk/benefit analysis that went on in my head did not work in his favor--and that's that. I'm a realist--I work with what I have. I can't fix broken things that aren't mine to fix.

"Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal."
-Unknown



last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03





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