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Not a flaw... A curse
2012-06-17, 1:12 a.m.

To tell or not to tell...

"Honesty is my flaw" has become my personal motto lately. I hate keeping things to myself. It's not even honesty versus lying that I have an issue with. I am a terrible liar--the very best I can do... sometimes... is maybe tweak the truth a little as a means to an end. My brain cannot even wrap itself around making up a fake story from scratch or giving a boldface lie as a direct answer to a direct question. I'm just not wired for that... for the most part.

But I digress...

Sitting on something that I want to say--keeping it in--makes me nuts. It's not that I don't know when to show 'em and when to hold 'em, but I just don't see the point in holding 'em most of the time. I usually realize I should've gone another way after I've gone and spilled... Well, when it becomes an issue--it doesn't always end badly.

So, my theoretical crush from a few entries ago... Theoretically speaking... It just makes so much fucking sense to me. I think it could be a really, really, really good thing. I kind of want to approach the issue... And my common sense is screaming at me and smacking my reptile brain around screaming, "Don't you fucking think about it!! You. Will. Ruin. Everything!!!!"

Aren't I supposed to be in my thirties? Why does this feel (and sound) like I'm 15? Gag...

This is the part where I wish I had more dating experience before I got married, except--oh yeah--that wouldn't help me in this case. This guy is wired so much differently than anything remotely "standard" that no amount of normal signaling, timing, coaxing, even outright flirting is going to make progress for me. The clock is ticking too (no not THAT clock). He's considering looking for a new job that will probably take him out of state--certainly out of town.

Tick-tock, tick-tock...

I'm considering a handwritten letter (since this is already high-school sounding, why not? Right?). Just a "hey, just so you know--I'm kind of crushing on you lately. I know there's at least half a dozen reasons why this = certain rejection, so consider this not an offer but just a statement of fact. If it inspires you to ask a question, you have my blessing. If not, this message will self destruct in 10 seconds and non-remarkable men will be by shortly to erase your memory. Then we can continue on as friends."

I am so lame.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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