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What they say and what they don't say...
2010-09-10, 1:52 a.m.

In my anti-cognition entry, I'd said that in my attempts to imagine all possible outcomes with my marriage, there is a range of things that I just can't see. ...or something to that effect. I suggested I would go into more detail later...

More specifically, I can't see the end. I can see a world and a life where the children and I are a trio. I can see going about various functions as a single mother. I can't see the tunnel that was taken to get there and honestly, I can't even tell if I am married or not in these pictures. All I can see is that Jeff isn't there. All that could really mean is that he stays, and perhaps becomes even deeper, involved with his work to the point of being all-consumed and not present in the daily life of the family. Such an odd turn of events considering it was a period of unemployment and him being always-present that led up to this point.

Then, this weekend I had kind of an occurrence that I don't really understand. I don't know if it was just more in the same "me and the kids as a trio" series, or if it means something else entirely. We were sat down to dinner on Monday--which is bizarre in itself that all 4 of us are gathered at the table--and I looked at Jeff briefly for no apparent reason. Maybe I was waiting for him to pass the rangoons or the fried rice... Not sure. Anyway, I looked at him and I had an image flash through my head of his chair empty--similar to what I experienced with my brother. I'm a little surprised he didn't note my expression change because it really puzzled and kind of disturbed me. I couldn't wipe the idea of it out of my head and remained disturbed for at least the rest of the night.

I'm so sleepy. Good night, diaryland.

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Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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