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Thinking and pondering
2010-09-28, 1:06 a.m.

I have a glorious opportunity to go to bed early tonight and sleep through 8 glorious hours, undisturbed. My husband is out of town and my children are with grandparents due to my wonky work schedule.

I've been thinking a lot today about things. The way things are, the way they should be, the hoops to jump through to make everything good or normal or whatever the fuck the goal is supposed to be. Bargaining with the non-existent devil, as it were... Making promises to myself that I have no idea if I can keep... Too much to rehash if I plan to go to bed inside of 15 minutes; I'll just get my brain all fired up again.

Just under 28.5 hours till my body turns 31. Hmm... Maybe a birthday entry idea will be to ponder what my 21-year-old self would've thought of me now, or expected that I should've been. She was very optimistic--I'm fairly certain that the picture in her head would look almost unrecognizably different than the actual turn out, but then--whose wouldn't. Twenty-one is a pretty idealistic age. I wonder what my 41-year-old self will think of these gates that I am passing through now on the way to becoming her. I wonder how differently she would look without these experiences, if at all?

Hmmm... Fine, sleep.

last - next

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