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Trying to not be wound quite so tightly
2010-12-26, 12:23 a.m.

I'm in a mood... Can't call it a "bad" mood exactly... But maybe just a blowing-off-steam mood. Probably is provoked by the end of this holiday season. Where the fuck are you New Years?

Bring on January. Bring on 2011. 2010 has failed to impress me, overall. It has had it's high points--fun and rather enlightening, defining-of-self times. However, the whole bit about the shattering of illusions... Well, we keep our illusions around for a reason most of the time, right? Oh... But what a ride it's been...

Without a doubt, there are things about me that will never be the same as they were prior to 2010--I guess time will tell how good or bad of a thing that is. For me, I'd like to think it's a good thing. For those around me, mainly my kids, I wonder if it will be or not. On the other hand, some things about me remain constant. Jeff asked me tonight, after we got home but before he texted-himself-to-sleep (nice, considering I'm actually home tonight) if I wanted his parents to keep the kids on Monday night, as usual even though I'm off from work. No. They'd much rather spend the evening with me than to be farmed out for several hours to a grandparent--especially my inlaws. Besides that, thanks to the holiday, my usual upkeep-of-the-house activities haven't yet been done and I'm not going to get much more done tomorrow due to continued holiday activities. He rolled his eyes a bit when I mentioned housework. Fucking house doesn't clean itself.

Anyway... At the moment, I have resigned to be patient--in all the areas of my life where there is a need. In the area that has inspired most of my recent posts, I tell myself that the situation is about to (temporarily) resolve itself to some extent. I abhor the idea of sweeping anything under the rug ever, so I hope that's not what ends up happening. For the immediate purpose of remaining sane though, I am trying to be satisfied with understanding a few more "whats" even if the "whys" are things that I'll never be allowed to know. A handful more days and then I can assess things from a different angle...

My marriage and other developing situations are firmly on the "handle with care" list, I think. Again, with the marriage it feels less like a not understanding "what" is going on and honestly "why" isn't even a concern of mine. My concern is driving and managing the timeline appropriately. The same is true of other things that are just coming over the horizon. I don't question the "what" so much as the general sense of timing. I have been proven to suck at timing, as one of the great "fails" of 2010.

Patience... Be patient. All things will happen as they should.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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