Sushi Time!

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5 months in...
2005-11-30, 11:50 a.m.

I guess I have a lot to say, as usual, but also as usual an insufficient amount of time to get it all out. As it is, I'm squandering my precious shower time just by sitting here and I really need to get a move on. Of course, my usual update must include that Jackson is 5 months old today! He's getting so big--it's just amazing. In just this short amount of time, I have a hard time remembering what it was like to sit here in the morning/early afternoon waiting for the time to leave to go to work. I already can't hardly remember what life was like before he was here. I can't really even imagine not waking up to the sound of baby in the next room. How odd it all is to go through such a dramatic and total change.

As happens with all new mothers at some point, I'm in that place now when I've been thinking a lot about mortality-type issues and really how my views have changed on various things. For instance, I don't really think about the topic of abortion and the like, but when I hear the subject come up it really means something different to me than it used to. I don't know that my opinion has changed--I've always been on the pro-life side of things, but for me it wasn't so much about the fetus as it was for the adults taking responsibility for their actions. Now, to me, it's just really odd to think of how it would be to know a baby was coming and then just have it not be there anymore. It's just not coming anymore. You never got to see it; it just no longer exists as even a future thing. It just seems to me like pregancy is a thing that, once set into motion, is unnatural to not see through to completion. Not to say that all people who have sex are cut out to be parents, but it really just seems to me that pregnancy should be treated with more respect. It should be a thing to be guarded and if you can't handle it, then you should protect yourself against it ever beginning at all costs, proactively... Not as a reaction. Well anyway, these are the things I think about when I'm in the shower or driving home or any other time when it's quiet and my mind wanders.

Also, the E! network has run the True Hollywood Story of Andrea Yates recently too. I don't really have time to go into that right now, but my view of that situation has changed. As someone who is familiar enough with depression, I completely don't understand the psychosis that goes along with the whole postpartum depression thing. I'd have thought that if anyone would've suffered from that, it would have been me, but thankfully, by the grace of God that hasn't been me. In fact, I may consider myself to be the picture of whatever the opposite of that condition may be. I completely cannot relate.