Mood: Contemplative
Watching:
Reading:

In-laws
2007-11-01, 3:13 p.m.

I've been thinking today, a lot about my in-laws... I'm not going to say why, because it has occurred to me that there are blocks in my diary that could be subtitled "An Ode to ______ (insert person's name here)" You know who you are. And probably everyone else does too. Other peoples' issues often cause me to reflect on my own life. It happens a lot, across the board. So anyway, my in-laws...

I was just kind of reflecting as to what my MIL or FIL's response would be if we challenged them to take more responsibility for us and them maintaining a mutual relationship. I'm pretty sure that there would be no quick-witted BS responses. I think that there would be silence. I think that if we were in person, there would be looks of surprise and gaping jaws that say "we had no idea you felt this way." I think that once that moment passed, there might be excuses something akin to the ones that my husband already makes for his parents. They're busy... They have their hands full with his sister's kids... Why don't WE make more of an effort (aside: I'm perfectly willing to meet them halfway; apparently my halfway is a lot further away from their end than what they would like)...

Indeed, I don't care about the situation for Jeff's sake as much, a little, but not for the most part. I don't care at all for my own sake. As with all things, my main concern if for my children. The whole picture, I guess is for my husband's efforts to have his parents be part of the kids' lives. We include my family A LOT. In the same token, my parents call several times a week. If a week goes by that I don't make an effort to see them or have a damn good excuse not to, then it doesn't go unnoticed/unpunished. I'm not saying that my situation is ideal. Truly, especially lately with the pregnancy and such, I'd give anything to just have a week or 2 of peace. If I don't want to leave the house then it's okay and everyone understands and no one feels slighted. I'd like that, but it doesn't happen. The point is that my family shows that they care on a regular basis. His family, we maybe hear from once a month, see even less. They are no further away from us than any member of my family, geographically. When we do see them, the nieces are ALWAYS there, which would be fine if they behaved as any normal 15, 13 and 10 year old. But they don't. After 2 1/2 years of being told to back off of Jack and give him some space. They don't. Ever. Consequently, my MIL and FIL don't ever get any sort of decent quality time with him when we are there. Ever. They don't know his personality and they don't know how we operate as a family, which is a HUGE reason that I am not comfortable with them babysitting. When we do expose some of our methods, they don't understand why we do the things we do in our parenting. This is less of a problem with my family.

And, at what point do I have to explain these things to my kids? Someday they will notice that they see certain family members more than others. Someday they will be old enough to notice that their grandparents are practically running a daycare for their teenaged and then, even 20-something cousins, while not having any time for them in their childhoods. Someday they'll even be old enough to understand that they are strangers to their very own grandparents. They won't know their personalities or interests. They won't be able to anticipate their quirks or appreciate small things they do that make them unique. My heart hurts for them already that that day is coming, and that my in-laws are completely oblivious to the situation. They don't know and they don't seem to care. I expect that showering them with expensive Christmas presents and gifts of money will remedy the situation.

Isn't that enough?

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

be sorted @ nimbo.net