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Day 2 into Day 3
2010-07-24, 2:03 p.m.

Disclaimer... I have a very limited range of topics to write about lately and only a few (or less) people to actually talk to about them. As I write, it is for me and no one else. If the reading is uncomfortable, then please don't. I have that nifty little stat counter down at the bottom of the page, but I don't check the details--I don't even remember my password to sitemeter, or where ever it came from. I don't know who comes and goes from here or to what extent.

Day Two: More fighting--this time in the absence of the children as they spent the night with the grandparents.

I've been asked to move out at least 4 times in the past 2 days, then to be told that I'm throwing in the towel when I talk about how we're going to handle the details that surround said address change.

And then there was crying... A lot of crying.

One of the most bizarre experiences of my life is to cry openly, uncontrollably and at times, violently, in front of my husband over a heartbreak that does not involve him. He's told me he understands and I should let it all out. That what I'm feeling is the same as what he'd been feeling earlier in the week. I disagree. Mine is (sort of) voluntary. No one did this to me--I, once again, made my own bed. I can't look to it and say that someone else made the decision which causes me so much pain. I did this to myself.

And then we reached an accord. The fighting--the angry, accusing, blaming, awfulness that has become our "therapy" is not fixing anything. It is the wrong road for anything but an angry, vengeful, hate-filled, finger-pointing end. If I wanted that, I could have had it on Wednesday.

So today, day 3, we take the hard leg of what would otherwise be the "easy trail." Today we let the anger go and approach each other as friends--or people who could someday be friends. The road that I hope will lead to something positive--either the almighty "fix" or the amicable separation. The chapter entitled, "There are no Guarantees" ends sometime today, rather than on Thursday, because this holds that provision as well. Jeff and I acknowledge that there's no way to know which end we will meet, but when we get there--either "till death" or shaking hands and walking away, we will hope to share warm smiles for each other in the final moments. That-my confused friends (if you are still reading)-is what I wanted this whole time that I knew I was never going to get going at the rate that I was going. That's one of the last things we talked about at the end of Day 2, after the fights.

What the title of the next chapter will be, I'm not sure...

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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