Mood:
Watching:
Reading:

Guilt and Cabbage
2010-08-01, 9:05 p.m.

I'm not sure I even know anymore how to make a decision that's not based on guilt. At the end of every one of the roads I've been presented with is an outcome that I can't be sure I've picked for my own sake. I wish TJ were here. He had a way of cutting through the bullshit that I could really use right now.

On that note, I'm still really excited (God, I hope I'm not mistaken) to see the marriage counselor tomorrow morning. We have firmly established that I do not trust my own thoughts nor am I able to sort them out properly. I just hope she's not a quack.

So today has been a fairly silent day. I can't tell anymore if these are due to the "silent treatment" that I used to be used to or if they are because I told my husband that I just need space. There's been no mention made of my 4 AM bedtime last night/this morning, but then there's been very little mention of anything at all. Today is the first day that he supposedly is in control of the long-awaited restaurant project, but I haven't heard much about it. It's not a great day for us to not be speaking. I lament that a little. I find that I'm taking off my rings at random times just for no apparent reason. Then I'll realize later that I'm not wearing them and have no firm clue where I left them. I haven't lost them yet, but it's only a matter of time.

Sometimes I think I should just re-medicate. Maybe at a higher dose this time. Float through things. I may never have another orgasm again thanks to "certain sexual side effects" but everything else will feel nice.

OOh, and Happy Lughnasadh! For the first of the Pagan harvest season holidays, I managed to rescue a head of cabbage, several carrots and a roma tomato from my garden (with my mom's help). We had cole slaw from scratch with dinner tonight. I guess that satisfies one of the items on my doomed "Things I'd like to do this summer" checklist.

Oh and about my Mom... I asked her what it was we were supposed to talk about at 1 AM the other night when she texted me, "We gotta talk." She said she couldn't sleep and she didn't want to talk about it now. Fine with me, and about what I expected.

I'm going to sit outside for a while.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

be sorted @ nimbo.net