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Let's not follow the white rabbit this time...
2010-06-23, 12:43 p.m.

I had the, "I'm beginning to lose my sense of humor" talk with Jeff today about the restaurant project. Since I haven't provided any back story, only my two known readers are going to have much chance of fully keeping up with this entry--it will have to be tolerated, for now.

It became clear to me in the past couple of days that the kind of peace that I've been working for my whole adult life, and have managed to catch peaces of it at times... That kind of peace won't be possible for a long, long time, if ever, if we move forward with this restaurant adventure. I had enough stupid, useless, needless drama and upset between the ages of 12 and 22 to last me my entire life, with a bonus serving between 27 and 29 during TJ's illness. Why we would walk into something that promises to be more of the same, taking us back to Springfield where so much bullshit goes on anyway and where we've tried so hard to get away from... Why we would ask for that, is something I've been having a hard time reconciling. All I want is peace...

I feel better that my vote is in and he knows how I feel. I think it would be a much better plan to go on expense-lock-down for a couple of years and resurface with a chance of anonymity, open a place that is truly our own creation and that better honors the person that TJ was. TJ would not have been pleased to see that his legacy would be stuck in Springfield. Jeff's got the general male hang-ups of "It's not going to fail" and "If I walk away now then those bastards (from the boycott) will win." To which I say, "WHO CARES??" Honestly, what is it worth? Is it worth fighting the good fight if it wrecks your life and drives away your family? If so, fine--but let's get it all out on the table.

I refuse to be dragged down another hole.

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