Mood: anxious
Watching:
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Looking for a home
2008-07-27, 12:11 a.m.

Maybe it would be better if we just refrained from looking at houses for a couple of months... Until we're really ready to commit. ...For real...

We went to look at 4 houses 2 weeks ago. 2 of them were complete shit holes, 1 was mostly a shit hole, but had some potential and 1 was marvelous, slightly over-priced and appears to have a drainage/flooding problem. Really, we made no progress. Today we went and saw 4 more homes. 1 was wonderful, 1 was really nice, 2 were okay overall--but not right for us for various detail-oriented reasons (no yard, no basement, etc.). The one that was wonderful will almost definitely not be on the market in another 3 months when we'd be serious about getting serious. It's already almost sold once, but the deal fell through for some reason that our realtor is hopefully going to find out. She thinks they're selling because the husband is relocating. It appears that they're moving very soon whether they sell soon or not. It's a pretty nice house--similar to the one we saw 2 weeks ago that I love, but has the water problem. The yard is bigger and it's already fenced in. There's no true "basement" in this one, but I could probably get over that. So now, we're talking about a scenario where we'd make an offer, try to get as much of an extended closing as possible and maybe pay rent + mortgage for 2-3 months. Yuck.

I am a wreck, just thinking about it. And for what? For a hypothetical scenario that will very likely not even happen... It's just SO much money that we're talking about here. I've spent my entire adult life trying to save money. I haven't always done an awesome job, but at the very least we've always had a cushion (which came in very handy when Jeff was finishing school last winter and not working--what if something else like that happens?). We've never had to live paycheck-to-paycheck or be "in the red" without having that cushion to sustain us. I'm not sure how I'll handle it.

And even still, we still haven't figured out exactly what we're spending all of our money on. When I add up our income vs. our expenses, there is still a gaping void of money that should be just piling up. There isn't, and it's driving me crazy that I can't find it!

I feel nauseous

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