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Meltdown
2010-12-31, 2:39 a.m.

"Meltdown"

...Taken from a conversation two weeks ago, is quickly becoming my new favorite word. It implies so much drama... and yet is so subjective.

A "meltdown" is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.

In general, these are things that I don't have. I have been credited throughout my adult life for keeping a cool head in the face of adversity. I tend to take charge of situations that make others crumble and steer the ship to safe waters. That's me--it's what I do. Call it an artifact of having experienced a messy divorce at a young age, followed by my mom's remarriage to an abusive drunk. Call it whatever you want. Don't call it anything--honestly, I couldn't care less. The fact is, I don't see any need to stir up manufactured drama--there is enough unwelcome drama built right into real life without inventing more to make a scene. If you can't make a point to someone without freaking out, then they may just not be worth making the point to in the first place. I'm Jussayin...

Fucking Meltdowns...

I have, however, reached a point of absolute exhaustion with my husband, er... about 3 times in the past just-under-two-weeks. This is the closest I will come to melting down... Ever. If you cannot taste the tears on my cheeks, you cannot call "meltdown" against me. If you can... Well, congratulations. You've finally driven me to a point of un-mendable frustration, the likes of which few people would have even imagined. At that point, if you are a certified asshole, you should be quite proud of yourself. If you have any shred of decency that makes you a better person than that, I'd advise that you be very afraid. I have a lot of patience, but I am not perfect.

What I do seem to be is alone. For all of my patience and all of my efforts, I am alone. Marriage means nothing. *laughs* A lot of things seem to not mean much lately, actually.

For some reason I'm reminded of the quote from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies: "Take what you can; give nothing back." Not sure why... Not sure if it's even applicable to anything right now. All I do know is that I'm tired of being so God-damned patient.



last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03





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