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Make a new ending
2010-12-13, 12:23 a.m.

One of my many Facebook Horoscope apps says this for the day to come (Monday... Today, I guess):

"Due to the triple conjunction of Mercury, Mars and Pluto being located in the sector of your solar chart concerned with home and family, it's important to realize that some kind of building tension is likely to come to a climax in that area of your life. There's definitely a transformation of some kind happening, and it will be a drastic transformation; it's been held at bay for too long. Avoid the careless handling of responsibilities or dangerous materials. Be cautious and proactive, and do whatever you can to stay out of other peoples' problems today."

Horoscopes lately have been utterly amazing--probably for the last 3-5 months, I'd say. When did astrologers stop being human beings who looked at the stars a little bit and wrote out some amusing bullshit? Seems like the ones that I read regularly are omniscient demi-Gods. It's really just incredible.

Anyway... I learned something rather important today (If the internet is to be believed): You don't need grounds for divorce in Ohio. You can just file, and if both parties are in an accord (on that, at least) then it's just a matter of working out details. I actually started filling out some dissolution information on what seemed to be a really handy website. Put in the information, they generate the forms for a meager $149, you both sign them and mail them to the appropriate authorities, a simple hearing is scheduled which both must attend (for a dissolution, at least), good-bye marriage. Simple as that. So much for my earlier entry about how it is a good thing that it's so hard to end a marriage. I guess I was wrong.

A few more details to fall into place... New job (I hope) and with it more feasible options for childcare. If those don't fall into place... Well then... I'll have to generate some kind of plan. Today is the first day in ages that I haven't been completely nauseous with worry over what life is going to be like for me and the kids once I am able to do what I really, really need to do. Even when Jeff came home this evening and worked with the kids on making a gingerbread house, I wasn't obsessively thinking, "Who am I to take this away from them?" No... It really felt more like it was already visitation. This will be what it will be like for them, except I won't be in the immediate vicinity to watch it go on. They'll have their time. The only bad part that I dreamed up in my imagination was them coming home at the end of a visit where they had a great time with their daddy and crying because they didn't want to leave him. TJ and I were too old to really have that reaction (at least I can't ever remember having it) when we went through it with my parents. It won't be pretty... but then, it can't all be as easy as letting your Visa pay $149 and clicking the "submit" button.

And I can't tell from one day to the next what is in Jeff's head. He'll speak the words that echo what I'm thinking: that it's over, there's no hope, we're not connected, etc. Then he'll start throwing out unsolicited, "I love you" statements and asserts that he means it. He's killing me with this--he really is. I haven't felt so unhealthy in ages. I've lost a good bit of weight--at least 10 pounds in the past couple of weeks or so, but that's not healthy either.

I can't be happy in this situation. I won't be happy until I start to write a new ending to the story.

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.�
~ Maria Robinson



last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03





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