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Path Forward
2010-11-05, 1:29 p.m.

So... I've finally got somewhat of a hold on just what's going on here. It's not good... Let me say that--but it just might be 'not bad' enough to be able to be turned. It'll probably never be "great" but maybe it can at least be manageable until one or both of us between my husband and I are ready to either call the game on account of heavy stupidity or move in another agreed direction together.

To repeat some relevant things that were said to and by me recently: "The ball's in your court at this point," and "we won't ever be able to be in a truly open marriage."

On the second--communication has NEVER been a strong point between Jeff and me. It was one of the many things that concerned me when I married him, but for the sake of "we're young and have lots of time to work on it," I went ahead and got married and didn't let it stop me. Communication is obviously a very vital point in terms of an open marriage and thus--full success for us is not likely. A temporary arrangement? We'll see I guess.

On the first statement--Yes, I do believe the ball is in my court now. I do have some leverage with which to present my own compromises that don't leave me in places I discussed in earlier entries--feeling like I'm the only honest one sticking to the deal and miserable with the concessions that I agreed to make.

What is going on you ask? Well, either out of a state of reciprocity or because he feels he has license to do so (even though the last spoken words on the matter suggested it was NOT something he wanted), Jeff has decided to make some friends of his own. "Friends" of his own... I gave him several opportunities to come clean and talk about it and he held to his thinly-veiled lies. As best I can tell he has a "main course" and a probably "side dish." Contrary to what I had originally thought, the "main course" is somewhat in league with what I would have allowed. The "side dish" is completely unacceptable--a deal-breaker, a reckless choice and an example of the poor decision making for which my husband is infamous.

What to do now...

I am planning/expecting to have a "come to Jesus" sort of conversation with Jeff at some point toward the end of this month, when the timing is apt for me. In that time I will let him know that I am not going to make him/ask him to give up his "main course" friend and maybe put a couple of common sense provisions/requests on the situation. In return, he will drop some of the bullshit that he's been spewing over the past few months. The side dish, however, will have to be discontinued--and that should be absolutely no problem for him, honestly. I don't see this as a person that he's likely to have grown very attached to or probably even fond of. Failure to do so will probably result in me blowing the lid off of the whole thing. He has a lot to lose in that situation--not just his marriage and family.

So... this is progress?

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Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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