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Things to come and that which has past
2010-10-23, 4:38 p.m.

I'm feeling a little dramatic today... Please excuse me. This has been two months in a row when my female hormonal cycle has provided me with intense anxiety at an interval of elevated stress. Last month the anxiety was in the driver's seat and the stress was never as bad as I imagined it to be. This month, today, the stress is crushing and the anxiety is just making me ill.

I am faced with the need to confront Jeff about some things that I know he is up to. He evaded his opportunity to confess calmly and engage in conversation. The only way to resolve this situation is for us both to agree to make some concessions that probably neither of us really want to make. My problem is that I don't trust him to hold up his end of the deal, and I don't want to be the only one making concessions... I know he's thinking, and will probably even say "Do you see now how I feel/how I felt?" Yes, goddamit... I know exactly how it feels--I've been here before with you. It still sucks. It just sucks worse now that I have other things at stake... Unnecessary sacrifices...

I wish I could just get numb. Ride the wave to where ever it's going and not give a fuck. Doing so means accepting the end of my family... my kids' family. I don't know that that's not inevitable anyway, but it's so stupid that it has to be faced now. It's so stupid that he would use a benign state of things that he believes me to be engaged in to justify a spiteful act of vengeance that he doesn't really deserve to be able to have.

I feel very lost right now.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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