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Exhausted
2005-10-22, 1:00 a.m.

If I were a normal, right-thinking person, I'd be in bed now. I'll pay for it later, I'm sure.

Today was kind of a bad day. My husband's ear infection is back (I can't remember if I wrote about the last one--it was months ago and I'm not in the mood to go back and look for the entry). It was really bad then--the worst I've ever heard of. He lost his hearing in the affected ear for several days, maybe a couple of weeks, I can't remember... And also, the whole side of his face and mouth went numb. I didn't know that could happen from an ear infection. Anyway, at the point of being deaf and numb, he finally decided to see the doctor. He got some meds and it cleared right up. You'd think that would have taught him right? Yeah, well....... Anyway, so he started having issues again a couple of weeks ago, to which I suggested perhaps he should have it checked out while it's still not a big deal. He refused. "It's not that bad yet." That statement in and of itself has more problems than I care to list. I suppose body parts need to be on the verge of falling off before one needs to pay it any mind. In the end, he got pretty angry with me for being so persistent, so I dropped it. Excuse me for giving a damn, I guess. I think he just thinks that I'm happy to have some new topic to nag him about and I also know that he doesn't know how much he scares me by not taking care of himself in any sort of "preventative" type of way. Sure, now it's just an ear infection and a mild case of asthma, but what happens when the issue is cancer, or a heart attack or something else that is very, very serious? I guess I'm not allowed to care then either.

So anyway, his ear infection is back. It's been coming and going over the past couple of weeks and today he was feeling very ill and I guess was running a temperature over 101 at some point. Perhaps he'll go to the doctor... Perhaps not. Such is life, I guess.

Surprisingly, that's really not the reason I'm in such a bad mood right now. The past couple of days at work have been somewhat trying. Very little has actually "happened," but I think the reality of the situation is setting in for me now. No matter what they do there, no matter what the band-aid or magic-bullet solution they come up with, no matter who the manager is or what he/she does to make "improvements," things always seem to turn out a bit worse than they started. I've come to the conclusion that there is no "floor" in my department. There will never come a time when we've reached the lowest point. Things will continue to spiral downward and we'll all just get dragged down with the ship. I'm being forced into a supposed promotion that I don't want, doing a job that I won't like and I can't refuse it or else I might as well just shoot myself in the Microbiology foot. I can't bid out of the department any time soon because I really need as much time as I can get as a "Microbiologist" for my resume. I don't want to leave the company all together because the company, as a whole, is a great place and very honestly, I can't sacrifice the benefits.
I'm exhausted.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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