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No Lavendar Teabags? WTF?
2011-02-23, 2:16 p.m.

So much to say and so little time...

I'm back in a low point on ye olde emotional roller coaster, but it's not nearly to the point of where I was the other day. It's really just an ache at the moment--and the craving for things to make sense to me, like I mentioned before. There's just a great deal of uncertainty in the air and I have been getting the distinct impression for a while that I've been barking up the wrong trees to find the peace that I want so much. I am excited though, to a point... The uncertainty is definitely scary, but also kind of intriguing and exciting.

I hear a thump... *pause entry*

Must've been the cat... Anyway, today rubbed me the wrong way because I stayed in bed too long. I stayed in bed too long because I fell asleep late (after 4 AM). I fell asleep late because I got home from work late (around 2 AM). I got home from work late because it took me a while to finish up the last few things that I really needed to do. It took a while because I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't concentrate thanks to my depression. Meh. See, everything seemed to have a rational excuse until you really get to the root--and then it's back to the mood issue.

I had a long text-talk with my husband last night while I was still at work. It started off by him asking for forgiveness and me thinking he was backing out of our agreement to separate. Turned out that wasn't the case. He would like forgiveness, doesn't think he deserves it, but for the purpose of us not being angry anymore and having "a better relationship." In spite of the way that sounds, it does not directly imply that we will have this better relationship while being together as married or any other kind of couple. Essentially, any kind of relationship is better than where we are now. He is still in agreement with the separation, and I think he's even looking forward to it in the same nervous way that I am. We both recognize that we each need to to work separately before any good can happen for anyone, regardless of the outcome.

Again, can't say I'm not nervous... But I think it'll be okay in the end, whatever that ends up meaning.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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