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Things I'm thinking about...
2011-03-21, 1:28 p.m.

Uhg... I just now got my thoughts together and I'm out of time to write a real entry...

Been thinking about a couple of things though. Attachment, for one--and my tendency toward it. I don't think that this is so much an individual flaw as it is associated with my owning of ovaries. It's also just that I've been married for so long that I haven't conditioned toward casual arrangements the way someone who spent half or more of their twenties "dating" might have done. I'm happy to report though that I think I'm getting the hang of things a little though. I can feel myself forming attachments when I ought not to and I'm getting a little better at nipping it in the bud, so to speak. On the other hand, I'm afraid I'll end up taking it to the opposite extreme and when it is time to form an attachment to someone who is ready, willing and able to reciprocate, I will have already beheaded my previously-blossoming attachment. I think that if this happened, that it would be a situation I could remedy fairly easily. On the other hand, I look at it a little bit like touching a hot stove. I guess I don't really trust myself or others enough to trust that they want what I want anymore. This is a process, right?

I also need to ponder a bit about my future relationships and my kids. It was brought up to me a couple of days ago that having a relationship with me will, of course, mean having a relationship with my kids. This isn't news to me, but it was kind of a new concept hearing it come from someone else. Up to that point, I really just assumed that it would be my problem to deal with--the whens and hows of such a thing, and anyone who took on the daunting endeavor of dating a woman with two small children would just kind of have to maneuver it as an obstacle more than have it be something that they considered as an issue unto themselves. Does that make sense? Anyway, not so much with reference to the person who actually spoke those words to me, but as an "in general," I probably should start coming up with how I see that situation going, and when/if another person comes into the picture in that capacity, we'll tweak my mental picture according to what actually works in reality. Honestly, I've just seen it as something that was far enough in the future--the introducing of my children to any man I might want to be serious or semi-serious about--that it wasn't worth lying out the parameters for now. How long is long enough to be dating? How serious is serious enough? How do their young ages affect what I should do with it? And of course, none of it makes much sense until my day shift job comes through and my separation is complete. Talk about a mind-fuck for the kids... Mommy has a "friend" on the weekends and Daddy's not home, but Daddy still sleeps in the house on school nights.

Jesus...

Yeah, definitely something to think about, but certainly is a bit soon in any case.

Time's up...

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Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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