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Rising from the Ashes
2011-06-14, 12:05 p.m.

June 13th, 2011, the day that my life got back on track? Only time will tell. Ironically, it's nearly a year to the day when my life turned the corner that led me way, way, way off track. Nah, that's not really fair... I maintain that that taking on of this restaurant business was the catalyst for much else that followed, and that actually was slightly more than a year ago. If we're talking about right tracks and wrong tracks, that'd be about the time that the train entered into a deep, dark tunnel and everything got turned around and confused. Then, a few days from now was when I discovered the button that would lead to the derailing. About 2 weeks from now is the anniversary of the day I got the courage to slam my fist down on that button and send everything into a spin. There should have been a bigger warning label--not that it would have mattered at the time.

But I'm mixing my metaphors now...

Yesterday started off just horribly. My marriage was actually over at one point. I now have with me both the phone number for a divorce attorney and also the phone number of the EAP through my company such that I can get hooked up with another marriage counselor. I don't know for certain yet which I actually need. Yesterday morning there was an explosion, three-ways, followed by a dead calm and waiting. I wrote Jeff a letter in the silence of calm and left it where he could find it when he got home. It was a reflection on the things that have happened and how I see them now; the things we both have done--and how I feel about some of it. Later that night, we spoke civilly and issued sincere apologies for the first time in months. He asked me if I still wanted to go back to marriage counseling, as opposed to calling a lawyer. He waited up for me to get home and, although we didn't really talk, we didn't fight. This morning he made a point to kiss me good-bye when he left. None of it felt forced; I can't help but hope that we're turning a corner--finally.

Everything had to burst into flames before anything could be reborn. I think the Phoenix will be my new favorite mythical creature.

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