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Nearly sold my soul for a light bulb
2010-09-04, 9:10 p.m.

I am completely fucking exhausted right now--I hope I'm not getting sick. Time will tell when I get to the bottom of this cup of coffee, I guess. Either it perks me up or I need to go lay down.

So my husband goes out to the grocery store tonight with an abysmally written list of things to get because I was a mass of near-sleepiness on the couch while we were trying to write the list (ask me later why it made more sense to sit in the living room, asking a person trying to nap what we need from the grocery store rather than checking the fridge and the cupboards in the kitchen. Perhaps it was an exercise in "togetherness"). When I became vertical, I remembered that one of the light bulbs downstairs needs replacing, so I texted him to please add it to the list. The reply I got was "why would you want to do that? That will cause another debt to him and he will 'own' you all over again." I pondered this for a moment, since due to my husband's tendency to misread things I say in text and also his passive-aggressive nature causing him to reply things that make little sense to me, we often miscommunicate over even the simplest of things... I finally decided that there was a strong likelihood that the text I received was meant for someone else. I reply, "Ummm... What are you talking about? Is that a 'no' on the light bulb then?" Meh... Some server--"a nice girl, but very submissive" and her boyfriend who pays the rent so he owns her... Anyway.

This smells like the beginning of something very familiar. Only this time I'll never know if it is happening because, um, well this sort of thing always happens... Or if it's happening because of what I've been doing. I suspect a strong combination of both. It would've happened eventually, but perhaps my indiscretions sped up the process. I nearly texted back, "be careful," but thought better. He's been here before, same as me and he's a big boy. If he makes a mistake... LOL... Well then, shame on me for waiting for it to happen a third time.

I guess I don't have enough background info in this diary to really explain what I mean. In a nutshell, my husband is a sucker for a "damsel in distress." I have never been such a person. I used to think it was just that I was too strong to be, but I kind of think that it's a combination of strength and maybe that I internalize my strife a little too much. Anyway, suffice it to say that I'm just not a good candidate--with 13 years of evidence to back me up on this--to help him be the white knight that he needs to be to someone.

We shall see what this brings...

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

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