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Misplaced aspirations of a 13-year-old
2005-10-10, 12:24 a.m.

I'm thinking of moving diaries just one more time. I already have a new one set to go, but I want to move all of my pregnancy/baby entries over and then pick it up from there. As best I can figure that will be a long and tedious task of cutting and pasting between 2 different accounts. If anyone has any better ideas, I'd be glad to hear them.
We went to my in-laws' again tonight. Honestly, I have less stress in being there than I ever thought I would. Shawnee usually sulks off somewhere by herself, and the other two come and go as their boredom with the non-play-with-able baby also comes and goes. The love to gawk and dance around and get in his face, but their attention span is somewhat limited when he doesn't do much in return. So, for now, I have a pretty good handle on things there. Now, once he starts playing, and then crawling, and then walking... then my stress will truly set in, I think. They'll want to take him out of my sight to play and, well, as we all know I just don't trust them at all. There's already talk about how they are going to be picking on eachother when he's old enough to fight back and... Well... When you're talking about an 8, 11 and 13 year age gap, I really just don't think my baby should be subject to having to fight back and defend himself against his out-of-control cousins. Or perhaps I'm sheltering him.
Niki said something while we were there about how Shawnee told her therapist that she doesn't care if she graduates from high school because she's planning to be a stay-at-home-mom and a babysitter, and you don't need to have a diploma for that. I wonder what she expects she's going to do in between the dropping out of high school part of the plan and the having a baby part of the plan, because I expect that she doesn't necessarily expect to be getting pregnant any time soon. What am I talking about "dropping out of high school..." She's not even in high school yet; she's a seventh-grader. I suppose that if there's any "grand scheme of things" advantage to her anorexia, among all of her other issues, it's that her reproductive capabilities are somewhat stunted. At 13 year old, she hasn't developed at all, and I'd assume she hasn't started menstruating yet either. I also expect that she doesn't fully understand that she could be doing permanent damage to her ovaries with her eating disorder and then the whole stay-at-home-mom thing is pretty much out the window too. She doesn't seem to grasp the concept that, for most, housewife becomes an occupation later, after an attempt at something else. I can't imagine that she expects to find someone to knock her up and also stay with her and support her so she doesn't have to do anything else at the young age that she seems to want to take this on. I truly can't understand why ANY teenager would want to get pregnant. Now, I understand that it happens "unintentionally" often enough, but I don't understand the one's that aspire to nothing but getting pregnant (as on daytime TV talkshows, etc.). It really just shows that they have NO IDEA what they are asking for. They truly don't grasp the full measure of selflessness that is required to even attempt at doing a good job of trying to be a parent. If there's one time in your life you have a little bit of a license to be selfish, it's the teenage years, and yet you're going to use it to have all of your personal needs and wants stripped away from you to do everything for a new baby? Or else you're going to continue being selfish at the expense of the baby's needs? That's worse yet. Of course, the example that's been set for Shawnee is that, as the parent, you're not required to be responsible for your kids and the grandparents do most of the work. Seeing as how Niki can't bother too much with her own kids, I don't really see her supporting her grandchild, so Shawnee is out of luck there. Certainly, my in-laws won't be around to see another generation be raised to adulthood nor would they have the vitality to do the raising this time around. And why should they? They've already raised their own kids and go above and beyond for the girls. Should they really be expected to raise 3 generations of their decendents? When do they just get to sit back and appreciate the joys of being grandparents? I'll tell you where... MY KIDS! That is, unless Niki and her girls kill them first.

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