Mood:
Watching:
Reading:

The SIL is on MySpace
2006-07-08, 6:50 p.m.

I've been cruising around the wretched MySpace site recently, stalking, spying, whatever. In my defense, I look at it as having your number in the phone book. I'm unlisted. I like it that way. I also don't have my real name or school info or much of anything personal that traces my profile to me on there. The people who I want to find me there, will find me. A few others may find me via those chosen ones, but no one else if I can help it. And of course, I can't really help it, because it's the internet. However, I can do what I can to lower the chances in my favor. Anyway... As far as I'm concerned, if you put your name there to be searched, it's kind of like an invitation. I feel no guilt.

And besides that, in this particular case it is my sister-in-law and she actually pointed out to us that we could find her there, so that being as it is, I am doubly absolved.

So I found her profile. It's the closest thing to having a in-depth conversation with her that I'll ever have, I fear. She has really put herself out there on that site. I really think that if she'd just stop being such a hard-ass to the family that she and I might have had a chance to get along someday. But she won't. I believe that deep down, she does have a good heart. I believe that she keeps it reserved for only a very, very, very few people to see now. I know that Jeff is no longer one of those people. I believe that most of her problems are self-made and the rest of them are self-made-worse. For that, I have a hard time feeling empathy for her. She could have made a good life for herself. She chose a different path and now she chooses to wallow. That is the impression I got from her profile. She claims to be Wiccan, which made 3 impressions on me. First, if she really does follow Wicca, then I'm not surprised that she is so miserable. That is a big, big reason why I got out. I've never in my life met such a large gathering of such miserable, self-pitying people as what I knew amongst the people who were to be my mentors along that path. They have no faith and thereby, no hope. When things suck, they just suck and that's it and that's all. Maybe someday the Wheel of Fortune will spin in their favor, but until then they are content to be crushed underneath it. I couldn't live like that anymore.

Secondly, if she really is Wiccan, I am also very, very surprised that she doesn't try to share it with her girls. Maybe she thinks that they've been too indoctrinated by the church since her parents take them every week since they were old enough to go. She could have nixed that. I just know that if we were still a Wiccan family, we would be a Wiccan FAMILY. I would be raising my children to know my beliefs.

And lastly, she also in her profile says that she believes she was born in the wrong time period. She thinks she belongs sometime before 1850. I think it's utterly freaking brilliant that she'd have herself be a witch in the Burning Times. This, right here and now, is the best time to be Pagan, aside from the Pre-Christian era.

So those are my thoughts. She and I will never have a relationship, first because she wouldn't allow it and secondly because I can't pretend to accept the way she has chosen to conduct her family. I think she could be a really, really fun mother and a sister-in-law that I'd be proud to have. She won't do it. She complains that no one believes in her. Why should we? She has made a career of hating us all and screwing herself over time and time again. It really is almost like she tries to do whatever will make things harder for her. She takes and takes and gives back nothing.

I wish things were different, but they never will be.

last - next

Women... And stuff... - 2012-08-19
Sniffles - 2012-08-18
Time to kill while waiting for a late dinner... - 2012-08-11
0.0 - 2012-08-05
Locked and Isolated in BlogLand - 2012-08-03

be sorted @ nimbo.net